Written by: Chelsea Sudderth, Executive Contributor

Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about half of the country’s population will experience some sort of trauma. Not all instances of trauma will lead to a PTSD diagnosis, but for those who are diagnosed with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, debilitating and severe symptoms can develop within 3 months of the event(s). Oftentimes, these individuals can be re-triggered, experiencing traumatic flashbacks of the event(s), memories and dreams of the trauma, disturbing thoughts, and physiological symptoms present during high stress.

In the last couple of years, there has been an exponential increase in the online dating arena. During the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, many people turned to online dating as an easier and safer alternative to meeting people in public. It has been in my own interest and exploration in the online dating world, that I began studying various platforms available and discovered an under-world of dating characterized by the superficial judgments of potential suitors preying on the insecurities of others, a lack of human compassion and respect, conditional acceptance and rejection of others, as well as, the re-victimization of trauma survivors, limited in their mental, emotional, and physical capacities to differentiate the past from the present.

Reviewing the online messages and inquiries I received, I was in utter dismay at what I read. Comments and questions were mostly made up of descriptions of my physical attributes including hair, makeup, and body. Little regard or awareness was given to my written “profile,” that was worded in such a way to deter negative remarks and those individuals not serious about dating.

Browsing through the profiles, I often found elusive and quite offensive remarks and statements, and the berating of others based on gender/sexuality/race and discriminatory stereotypes.

With my current background as a clinical psychotherapist specializing in trauma, I was immediately made aware of the potentially harmful dynamics at play with the high risks of the re-triggering of trauma survivors, the high fear of showing any vulnerability, and the constant preying on the insecurities of others. Most of the dating apps require that only actual, unedited, and unfiltered photos are utilized as postings. Common remarks related to: “Why are you using a filter? Are you afraid to show your real face?” “Are those your real eyes or your hair real?” “What do you look like without makeup?” “You would be more beautiful if you…” Well, you have the idea!

For many individuals who have been victims of trauma, the nature of the event(s) they have experienced often lead to intense fear, an inability to feel safe with others, poor self-esteem, severe self-insecurity, and feelings of low self-worth and value. Experiencing something such as rejection or criticism, can re-trigger a fight, flight, or freeze response potentiated by the central nervous system, or even a lack of ability to protect oneself through the implementation and maintenance of healthy self-boundaries. Individuals diagnosed with PTSD are more likely to experience feelings of numbness and dissociation, loss of touch with reality, and a lack of a secure sense of self. Simple comments in online dating, whether or not, made of malicious intent, can have a significant impact on these individuals.

The promulgation in social media and marketing advertisements has led to non-existent, idealized images of near ‘perfection,’ that are a likely trap for individuals with low self-esteem, a lack of a healthy sense of self, and fear of vulnerability. Oftentimes, these same individuals may be more likely to hide their identities and to post edited and obscured photographs as a psychological mechanism that serves to protect them from the trauma they feel everyone can see from the outside and to boost feelings of self-confidence, in lieu of exposing their true, most authentic, and vulnerable selves out of fear of rejection, negative comments, and unacceptance.

This is not just an information article, but a call to action. I created The Goddess Warrior Tribe of Luna Sunita Jaya as a representation of those who have faced difficult obstacles and circumstances but are ultimately able to reclaim themselves and rise from the ashes in victory. With this I leave you with the message that now is not the time to drop the picture filters, or take off the makeup in attempts to prove to others how “real” you actually are, but to continue to motivate and encourage others to look below the surface of the illusion. We are mirrors of the subjective subconscious and already perfected created Divine Light Beings. Therefore, let not the focus be on physical perfectionism which doesn’t exist, but on compassion, unconditional acceptance, and allowance for individuals to reflect what is in their souls outwardly.

Taking this perspective, photo filters and pseudo names, can serve as a protective barrier for the soul against those who are making superfluous judgements and comments on an objectifying and misguided level. As the dating process between individuals progresses, the traumatized individual develops trust that is earned and eventually, will feel more comfortable being in their body while reflecting their innermost authentic self.

In conclusion, it is my hope and, within my soul mission, to see that all beings are able to live and operate from a safe place, a spirit of awe and curiosity, unconditional love and acceptance, and compassion for self and others.

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